Mixed fortunes for Champions League legends

The Champions League returned with a bang this week. A joint record 36 goals flew in on Tuesday night, and Barcelona stuck five past Basle last night.

Some beautiful goals amongst them as well - an outrageous no-look pass from Dani Alves finished off with aplomb by Lionel Messi, my personal favourite.

Juventus beat Real Madrid 2-1 thanks to a wonder-strike from Alessandro Del Piero, rolling back the years with a trademark curler into the upper 90. Score!

He may not be as quick as he used to be - not that he was ever lightening - but he still has the class to turn it on when it matters.

The Old Lady have made an abject start to their Serie A season but they pulled it out the bag on Tuesday night to beat the nine-time winners, Madrid.

One Madrid old-boy - and Champions League legend in the same bracket as Del Piero - fared a little worse than the Juve number 10.

Roberto Carlos had a night to forget as Arsenal, and in particular Theo Walcott, ran him ragged.

I've been a big fan of Carlos, although he was never in the same class as Paolo Maldini for me, but there's no doubting that he has been up there with the best left-backs for the past decade.

At 35, maybe this will be his last season with Fenerbahce as he's certainly lost a yard of pace (although in fairness he was marking one of the quickest players on the planet in Walcott) and had to opt for cynicism on a number of occasions to stop his man.

Robert Pires cameoed for Villarreal, coming off the bench to set-up one and score another in the Yellow Submarines' (isn't that one of the best nicknames in football? If you can think of any others that top that, ping me an email - Spurs season ticket for the best entrant) 6-3 hammering of Aalborg (who coincidentally are managed by Bruce Rioch! Random!).

A Champions League name from years a yonder, Dynamo Kiev, have made an impressive start to this seasons' competition, sitting second in group G, two points behind the Arsenal.

Olexandr Aliyev is a player to watch out for (especially if you're sat behind the goal of Kiev's opponents) as this lad has a hell of a dig on him.

He smashed in a 35-yard free-kick against Porto and could be a rival for Lyon's Juninho as the world's best dead-ball expert.

Talking of free-kick maestros (is he really though? Or has brand Beckham made us believe he is?), David Beckham is of course moving to Milan on loan, although the MLS are already getting worried about their Superstar leaving them high and dry.

LA Galaxy coach Bruce Arena says Becks will not spend the rest of the season there, as has been touted, as that will mean him missing the start of the MLS season.

Ruud Gullit, who knows a thing or two about LA Galaxy and AC Milan, believes that if the move goes well for both parties, Beckham will want to move to the Giuseppe Meazza permanently.

And who could blame him? The MLS really hasn't taken off as he may have thought his arrival would have done for the US soccer league (SCORE!).

When you weigh it up: Champions League football, an 80,000 capacity stadium, the passion and history of Serie A and playing with world class players such as Kaka, Ronaldinho and Phillipe Senderos, versus playing in front of 382 fat root beer swilling yanks, with a bunch of limited players in sweltering heat... Hard one that.

Backing the Lame

A mate of mine makes a bet with one of his pals at the start of each season on which new Premier League striker will score the least amount of goals. Ingenious!

In the past he has had the upper hand on his buddy, with astute picks such as Mateja Kezman, Grzegorz Rasiak and Andriy Shevchenko.

His mate may as well pay him the 20 notes now after he opted for Amr Zaki! The Egyptian's seven league goals would appear to have lost the bet already, especially as my mate went for Roman Pavlyuchenko!

Amazing Roman Pavlyuchenko fact: Spurs Director of Football, Damien Comolli, made Pavlyuchenko his main transfer target (well, after Andriy Arse-Shavings laughed them off) after examining his stats on Football Manager. This is a fundamental example of how the game's greatest minds work.

Comolli used the same technique when signing the midfield starlets Didier Zokora, Kevin Prince Boateng and Adel Taarabt (once hailed 'the new Zidane'), and defensive stalwarts Ricardo Rocha, Younes Kaboul and Benoit Assou-Ekotto.

*Breaking News* Bruch Rioch is no longer manager of Aalborg. He has just been sacked. Seriously. He was back in our football consciousness for a brief moment there for the first time since 1996. How fascinating this game is.